In The Deep End, Treading Water

It has been 3 weeks since Matthew has left on deployment. I guess I can look at it as "3 weeks less until the day I see him!" but keeping that upbeat attitude gets really old really fast. I feel alone, deserted, and isolated from the rest of the world. Maybe that is my fault. It's not that I hate going places alone, but when I feel alone, I hate going places by myself because then it just magnifies the feeling of being alone. So therefore, I like to stay indoors and shelter myself away.

Luckily for me, I have my friend Elsie moving in with me. No set date yet, but it should be early October. I hope her being here will help me deal with the deployment. This whole experience sucks. I miss my husband, and I want him to be home with me, laying in bed next to me, and his arm wrapped around me as I lay my head on his chest, and listen to the sound of his heart beating. I know I am cheesy, but these are the things I miss that I took for granted. I knew the deployment would happen when I said "I Do" so I have little to no room to complain or whine. I understood what I was dipping my toes into, and knew the further I got in, I would be swimming alone. Well here I am, now in the deep end, treading water, just trying to keep my head above surface. Waiting for my man to come back and bring me back to the shallow part of the pool.

The most frustrating part of this all, is the people I expected to be supporting me aren't. I expected my mom to be a little bit more worried and caring about my position, and instead she has showed no sign of either. She has called once since Matt has been away, and I had to initiate the conversation. Apparently, what is going on in my life isn't anything to care about, or check in on. She really is digging herself a deep hole. She continues this way, she wont be able to get out, and when she actually starts to care again, I wont let her in. I am sick of crying over her, and being hurt and let down. So I will do the what it takes to protect myself from those feelings, and that may end up shutting her out completely. Boy, will she regret her self absorbed self when grandkids come along.

I have had so many feelings and emotions running through my head. I know it is an emotional time for me, so I let myself kind of roll with the waves, and that has been working so far, until recently where is has been sadness after sadness. To me, that is a sign that I may be slipping into depression. I have been in depression before, I know the signs, I know how I react to it, and most of all, I know how to stop it. So I have been going out and laying in the sun and taking walks. However, being alone while doing so, and then coming home to an empty house never fully rids of the feeling and it soon comes back, and this time stronger.

I know when Elsie gets here things will be better, as well as when I finally find a job and start working. I really regret not getting a puppy when I had the chance. I believe having a dog to concentrate on and train would really help my situation. However Matthew really wanted to be a part of the puppies life growing up, and I understand that. He wants to be a daddy, and I respect him for wanting that connection with the dog. So I agreed to wait, and still do, but sometimes I think it would be so much easier on me if we just went ahead and got the dog.

Sadly, we didn't and I did agree, and so I must live with that decision. I will continue to do what I have been, and look for a job. I know once I start working, things will become so much better. It is reason to get up in the morning, and hopefully make some fun friends to go out to a bar with and have a few drinks. I can only hope things for me get better, and time starts to speed up!

~Live, Laugh, Love

This is My Place to: Vent, Rant, Cry and Laugh

Matthew checked into the base today! He says the ship is ginormous inside and out and feels it will take a month or two of figuring out until he will know where he need to go to get to where he is going. He was assigned a rack and another Petty Officer stayed late after his shift to show him around. He seemed pretty excited about the whole thing.

Of course I can see the nerves he has, because one, I have them too, and two, I am his wife, and I know him very well. Seems like I know him better than he knows himself at times! He was told it was a great time to show up, right before a deployment. The guy showing him around said, as horrible as it may seem, it works out great in your benefit. He will get to qualify much faster being out at sea, and start his job, and also gain a rank! So my baby will be an E5 when he comes home, without having to re-enlist! As well as the big deployment being now, he will get to be home for the next 8 months, and may not have to go back out to sea for any of that time. Oh but here is the kicker! Are you all ready for this?!

Matthew was informed that the Lincoln will be moving ports in Jan of 2012! So my dreams of being somewhere for a long period of time were crushed! We will have to move all the way back to the East Coast to Virginia in a year and 4 months. Then we will move, and right after (or right before we move) matt will go on another 8 months deployment. I suppose a year and 4 months is longer than the 6 months we were in New York, but not as long as I would have hoped for. Oh well, we will see how this all plays out, and I am sure I will blog about it.

As of right now, in the moment, I am sad, mad, nervous, anxious, and having a bit of a sweet tooth. Matthew and I had the "D" talk today... that's right, DOG. (What were you thinking?! lol) I have been wanting one, and wanting one, and he has been coming up with every excuse not to go ahead and get one. "too expensive" "I wont see him grow up" "We don't have a big enough place" "we already have 2 cats'' "It's just not the right time" blah blah blah blah BLAH! Anyway, he and I had a long talk and it ended with me mad, and storming off into the bedroom, and him sitting downstairs playing his games.

He ended up coming upstairs to apologize after each of us had time to cool off, and he told me if I wanted to keep looking while he was gone, and found one I know he would approve of and for the right price, I can go ahead and get him. If not, when he gets home, we will bump up the price we are willing to pay for the dog, and go ahead and get one from the breeders in the area.

What's funny, is my friend Caitlyn and I had plotted this whole scheme before he mentioned it. So either he was reading our messages, or she and I are just smart, and he finally gained half a brain cell! Either way, we talked it out in a mature manner and we are all better now. He even helped me make dinner tonight!

We ended up making breakfast for dinner, possibly one of my favorite things in the world! We had bacon and eggs, and Matthew made diced potatoes and seasoned them! So delicious! It was fun, we were jamming out to music on his new speakers, dancing around and being goofy! It was fabulous!

Matthew bought new speakers yesterday. Not just any speakers. Gigantic home theatre speakers, like you see in rich peoples "Theatre room". He has been looking at this specific brand for about a year now, and budgeting for them. When all of a sudden a guy on Craigslist was selling the exact same speakers, sub woofer and receiver matt wanted, all for 1,000 bucks. I know it seems like a lot, but apparently these speakers are 650 a piece. So he got not only a great deal, but we have money left over from what we were saving for... (Can we say, "Add to the puppy fund!"? I know I can!) Anyway, he is so excited about these speakers, it's ridiculous. It makes me heart melt to see him so happy about something. It's been a while since he has gotten himself something like this. he works, and works and gets paid, but he never spends it on anything BIG. Mostly little things, like a game here and there or clothes or food. so I am happy for him.

Goodness, I really shouldn't do the blogs when I am bored and have a lot of time on my hands. They get to be really long and boring. I should try spicing these up! Nah... this is my place to get all my thoughts out. vent, rant, cry, laugh, whatever. It's really not for your enjoyment, so don't think for one minute I care what you think! Haha jk, I do.. but not enough to change anything. so HA! Anyway, I am going to go, with all the goofing around and dancing in the kitchen, we made a mess, so I should clean that up before I become too lazy to do so! Until next time...

~ Live, Laugh, Love

We Finally Made it to Washington

So, Matthew and I finally made it to Washington! We are living in the cutest town home in Marysville, and I couldn't be happier with our find. It's crazy to think that Matt and I will be here for at least 3 years! We will be here for a while! We wont be moving so soon! It's so exciting! :)

We got here on the 4th of August, and unloaded the truck and everything that day. Just Matt and myself, it was hard, but I am very proud of myself. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was! Throughout the weeks, we have been slowly unpacking, and playing games mostly. Last weekend we decided we would go into downtown Seattle. It was a ton of fun, as we walked through what felt like a carnival, and then toured the science museum. Matthew was cute, trying out every little experiment thing they had set up. He was just one of the other 300 kids running around. We didn't see much of Seattle last week, because it's a huge city, but we hope to go back before Matthew leaves.

Yes, Matthew's ship the U.S.S Abraham Lincoln is scheduled to leave in early September for 8 months. I am not looking forward to it one bit. I can't complain too much, I knew this day would come for 2 years now. I have been talking to my friend Elsie, and I think she may come down and live with us for a while though. It will be so nice to have her as a roommate while he is gone, and more fun when he is here. She will just become part of the family.

I hope it works out well at least. My friend Caitlyn has had several roommates, and each had their problems, so I hope it's not like that! We will see though, and she and I both agreed, if it doesn't work out, we will help her find a nice place in town she can afford.

While Matt is away, I also plan on having a job. I have been looking like crazy, but i haven't heard back or found anything yet. But I have only been looking for about 2 weeks, so I haven't lost hope yet. Just have to keep trying. Something will come up sooner or later!

Things in Washington are going well so far. The allergies are really starting to bug me, but I pop in a Clearetin Clear first thing in the morning and it usually lasts all day! the weather isn't as rainy as everyone says it is. We have been here for about 20 days now, and i have seen maybe 2 days of rain. Maybe that is a lot to some people? But not to me. Besides it wasn't like a down pour of rain, it was more of a light misting throughout the day, it was actually very nice. But I do hear in the winter, it rains a lot more. Most winters it just rains and rains and never snows, but there are the occasionally winters where it snows, and it snows a ton! Well, I guess we will just have to wait and see!

Anyway, things are going well here for the moment, I know I wont be saying this when it comes time to see my baby off to sea. But until that day comes...

~ Live, Laugh, Love

I Have to go off, Be by Myself, and Suffer

I hate traveling. I usually always love the destination, but why does the getting there, have to suck so much?

Matthew and I have been on the road now for 4 days. He is driving the truck, which holds all of our belongings, as well as towing our Acura, and I am driving the Prius. So not only are we driving long days, but we are doing it separately. It's really no wonder why people opt to have a moving company come in and move your things for you. It's a pain in the butt to do it yourself! I am so exhausted, so irritated so annoyed at everything. Mostly because I am tired and when I get tired, I get moody.

Matthew has the GPS with him in the truck, and he is leading the way, while I follow. We have walkie talkies, so we are able to communicate with one another when there are maneuvers that we need to do coming up. Of course, he seems to get irritated at me each time I ask when the next time we will be needing to do something. I'm sorry, but in case we do get separated, I want to have an idea of where I need to be! Because other than being behind him, I have no idea where I am or where I am going! I am sure he is stressed out and just as tired as I am, but I have been very good about not giving him my anger. He has been good too, until we got to his house.

He decides that while we were sitting on the deck with his step-mom that would be a great time to yell at me for complaining about the move. I'm sorry, but I am not happy with it! I didn't want to move ourselves!!! He never even really asked me if I was OK with it in the first place. To be honest I don't think he even went to housing and asked for information about them moving us, he just knew we would make money this way, so he took that option. I understand making money is good, but it doesn't mean I have to like the process any better! Even if he is sick of listening to me complain, he could have told me privately! Instead of yelling at me in front of his family! God he really pisses me off!

I already feel awkward around his family. They didn't agree with us getting married in the first place, so I feel weird being around them. Now I feel worse cause he decided to be a dick to me in front of them. Start arguments in front of them! He was bitching to his mom about me, telling her how much I wanted a baby... Which isn't true!!! Just because I say I want a baby, doesn't mean I want one NOW! But he had to go on and make shit up about how much I wanted one, and how much I wanted it now, so now she thinks i probably lost my mind! I never speak bad about him to my mom! Because I want her to think the very best of him, but no, of course he has to bitch about me to his family.

I am just to a breaking point. I want to cry! I hate driving, I hate being in horrible situations, I hate not having my family to go to... I feel like when he acts this way, I am all alone in the world! That I have to go off, be by myself, and suffer. He doesn't treat me well in front of his family at all! Like he has something to prove?! I don't know, but he is going to hear about it tonight. This isn't the first time, and it wont be the first time I brought it up either!

Why is it everything is about "Men". What they want, is what they get. What they need, we have to get it for them. Their convenience is the only way. Doesn't matter how I feel, or what I think, it's all him... him... him! I am sick of it being him...him...him... sometimes I want it to be me!!! We never eat where I want to, unless he is in the mood. We never see the movie I want to, because he thinks it looks dumb. We never do the activity I want to, because he would rather do something else. And to be T.M.I we never have good sex, because it's all about him, never about me! I am sick of it!!!! I feel trapped!!!! and I don't know what to do. He doesn't listen. We have had the conversation over and over and over. I have tried not doing the things he wants, and we end up doing nothing. Why in the world did I get married?! Why?!

Do I love him? Of course!!! Would I ever leave him? No! I will stick by him no matter what, because despite these traits, he is still a great guy. I just don't understand why it has to be his way all the time, and when I want something it's like pulling teeth to get it! One of these days he will understand, even if it means surgically inserting a chip into his brain, and making him have courtesy to others, and willing to compromise.

Anyway, I am going to take a nap. I don't want to take all this anger out on the rest of the family, or boil up anymore inside, so I am going to get some rest, and hopefully wake up more relaxed and refreshed.

~ Live, Laugh, Love

Sick of People and Their "All About Me" Attitudes

I love the fact that we are moving on Tuesday, and yet hardly anything has been packed. What has been packed, is my doing, without that, we would have literally nothing done.

Matthew has pushed me to the edge tonight, and everything he has done all week has finally made me snap with his selfishness and inconsideration of others. Yesterday he tells me that we will spend the day packing and getting things ready for the move. When all of a sudden he decides he is going to go out and have a few drinks with the guys. That's fine, until I need to be the one to drive him there. Of course he has to be there in the hour it's down pouring the hardest. So like the nice wife that I am, I go into the nasty weather and drop him off. Thinking he would only be there for a few hours, I go ahead and box up the guest bedroom on my own. I get a text from him later on that he is drunk and doesn't know where he is at. I ask him if he was still at the bar or if he walked to a different one. Nope, turns out he went to a friends house. I tell him since he doesn't know where he is, he can just crash there. That's not good for him, he bugs me at 10:30 to pick him up and join him at the big fire he and the guys made. (great, a bunch of drunk sailors playing with big fire) I argue with him for a little over text, but in the end, I do want him to know, that I will go get him from any situation, regardless where he is, because I love him and want him safe. Doesn't make me any less angry with him though. So after I get the address I googlemap it, and find that it is 45 min away in the middle of no where! I am now more angry with him for traveling to far, without telling me, and now I have to go pick his dumb drunk ass up. On my way there, it's not only dark and on curvy roads, but it's really foggy and I can't see a damn thing. Once I finally got there, I told him to get into the car. He wanted to stay, but I was in no mood to be around a bunch of drunk dumb fucks. Once he got into the car, he laid the seat down and passed out. Smelling up the car with the scent of alcohol. Finally we got back home, I marched up stairs, walked into the master bedroom, and right before I slammed the door in his face I told him to sleep on the couch! I can't believe him! He was out for 9 hours drinking! He wasted the whole day and now tomorrow with being hung over. He has been useless ever since he qualified from prototype. He takes 3 hour naps in the middle of the day, he watches movies and eats whatever I put in front of him. He whines when he wants something, and complains and makes me feel guilty if I don't do it. Then after all I do, I have to do more! I am so over it! I am so angry so livid so done!!!

Why can't men be a little bit more aware of their surroundings? More courteous of those around them? Just for once think of someone else besides themselves. It's horrible when you have to tell him to call his own mother!!

Speaking of mothers, mine is on my shit list too! She never responds, she will be out of contact for days. For fucks sake I could be hurt, and she would never know. She could be hurt and I would never know. This whole idea of hers to move to Belize was the dumbest thing I have ever heard! She is just as selfish and inconsiderate as my husband is! How dare a mother take off and leave her children to fend on their own after losing their father! Ugh, why is the world becoming so self-centered and all about themselves? It's not going to get us anywhere good!

I am over everything and everyone right now. Some of my friends here are driving my crazy! Always wanting to hang out, and having some reason to get attention. I hate trying to make my personality split into 4 or 5 different emotions. Feeling sorry for someone, happy for another, angry and someone else and excited for others. I am over it. Until I move, I am staying in this house, no one is to come over, and I am not leaving unless i really want to! I am so sick of people and their "all about me" attitudes!

Of course not everyone is like this. Caitlyn listened to my rant all day today, and for that I thank her! I am sure I am much more moody because it is late and I am tired and I had a long full day of anger. So I am going to call it a night. Until next time...

~ Live, Laugh, Love

Less Frustration in My Life

Well, less frustration in my life!

We finally got our orders in! We will be living in Everett, WA for the next few years! It will be nice to be somewhere, and know we will be there for some time. I am very excited! It was our number one choice too. I'm very glad everything worked out for us the way we wanted it to! Matthew also qualified and is all done with training. All he has to do is graduate, and we will be on our way. Still no idea if we are going to have the Navy move us, or if we are going to move ourselves. I know Matthew wants to move ourselves. Apparently we can make like 5,000 - 10,000 dollars off the move, but he still has yet to tell me how exactly that works out. Of course, thinking about Matt driving a uhual, with a car on a trailer attached, and then me in the second car following across the country, scares me. Then of course, we will have to pack ourselves, and we all know we means me. So I know that's something I have to talk to Matt about. However he has been in such a grouchy mood lately.

Ever since he got home yesterday around midnight. He has been nothing but mean to me, and just short tempered. He went to a BBQ this morning (I know, sounds weird, but when you are on nights, your mornings become your days), and finished training today. You would think he would be in a good mood. Yet, instead he is in a grouchy mood. Has something to say about everything, and has just been putting me down. Whatever, he is sleeping now, and will be up probably 3am - 4am and will want to wake me up, because he is bored. Oh, and before he decided to go to sleep, he puts on some gross ass horror move. Thanks babe... so thoughtful of you! ...Not

I have also been ignoring the dramatic girl that was causing problems in my life. I think she has finally gotten the hint, that I just don't want to be friends with her. Of course she plays the victim role, and how she was hurt so badly and betrayed, but you know what? Fine. I will play the bad guy, as long as it gets me away from her! Luckily her husband got orders to San Diego, CA so I wont have to ever put up with her shit again. So yay for that! Other than that, not too much is going on.

I am sad to leave the good friends I have made here. That's one of the hardest parts about being a military wife, you make friends just to leave them. Of course, the next place we will be, (Everett, WA) we will be for a while. So hopefully I make some good friends there like I did here! I hope I do, because if I don't, deployments are going to be really lonely. Of course I do have one really good friend I made here, going to Bangor, WA which is only 1.5 hours away. All is exciting, everything is changing, but in a good way. I can't wait to see what our new home is going to be like.

The area, as well as the home we decide to rent out for 2-4 years. I have been looking online, and have found some gorgeous places all within our price range. So I am going to be calling up some people this week and next to get details on the home and if they allow pets or not. Over half the places I have looked at, don't allow cats, or pets over 15lbs, and Matt and I are going to be looking to get a puppy while we are there.

Speaking of puppies! One of my best friends, Chrissy, breeds German Shepherds and she has a litter coming in August! So hopefully, if they litter is right, we will be able to get a male from them, and have him come join us in November!! That will give us time to find a place, unpack and get settled in. We shall see what happens though. No use in getting my hopes up now, to find that it doesn't work out as well as I had planned and hoped.

Anyway, this is a long enough post. I get so carried away with typing and babbling that it just goes on and on. Of course I only blog when I am bored too, so I suppose that's another reason these blogs get so crazy long! So with that, I leave you with....

~ Live, Laugh, Love

This is My Life! I Have Ultimate Power

It's all just becoming so frustrating!

I am getting so frustrated with everything right now. The Navy still has yet to tell my husband where he will be going after he graduates on the 23rd of this month. That's less than two weeks away, and we still have no idea. How are we supposed to prepare for a move, if we don't even know where we are going? Of course that is what is mainly on my mind. Then of course there are the Navy Wives. I feel blessed that I have made so many friends while I have been here in New York, but the drama that goes along with, I could live without. Honestly I would rather sit at home, alone, bored and miserable then have to deal with any more drama! People just need to learn to grow up. I know, that's asking for too much.

You are probably wondering what drama I am talking about this time. Guess what? Same person I have mentioned in the last few blogs. Anyway, I let her know what I was feeling, and why I was upset with her, only for her to turn around and tell me that was all bullshit. How can you tell someone that what they are feeling is bullshit? You don't know what the other person is feeling. I hate how nice I am sometimes. I let myself get walked on and used. I hate being mean, but now I see, sometimes you have to be mean to get your point across. Some people just don't hear you any other way. Of course this time, I wasn't mean. I politely and nicely told her how I was feeling, and when she came back at me with insults that didn't really make all that much sense I ignored it. Ignoring it seems to be my favorite solution, and yet it still eats me up inside, because she goes to all my other friends, and they come to me. Even though I tell them I don't want to hear it, I can't help but care and want to be there for them. I hate having to put them in the situation of having to put up with her shit. I guess they can all do what I did, and she will soon find out that she can't treat people that way or they wont stick around.

Anyway, along with the drama, my family has been stressing me out. If it's not me trying to contact them, it's no one trying to contact me. I feel the only way I will stay connected to my family is if I put forth the effort, and right now, it doesn't feel worth it to me. I love my mom, and as much as I hate to admit it, I love my brother too. However, anytime I want to talk to them about things pertaining to my life, it's "Oh I have to go" or "Hey, someone just walked in" or some other excuse to get off the phone. I know they are busy and have their own lives, but it really hurts when they don't have time for me. All I ask for is 5 min of their day. I know i have my husband but, what about when he is deployed?

That's another thing I am frustrated with. The sooner he graduates, the sooner the deployments, and then the sooner I face utter aloneness. Then with a family who doesn't seem to want to waste time with me, I feel I wont have much to lean on. I know I am strong, and I will get through it, but doesn't stop my emotions. All of them running wild. Frustration, sadness, scared and more. I know I should worry about it now, and start stressing about it when the day comes, but that thought has been lingering in my head ever sense he said he signed the papers! So naturally, that the dates have moved to be that much closer, it is more on my mind.

Anyway, the whole drama issue, let's hope I resolved for the last time. If she continues to bug me, I will have my husband block her number from my phone. Hell, I may even have him do that anyway. Of course when it comes to the Navy, I know i have no control over it, and I just have to sit back and roll with the punches. I just want things to be as simple as they used to be! Back in kindergarden, where everyone was friends, and no one cared what you looked like, stood for, or even smelled. Where lunch was always there in your lunchbox, and the people you cares about waited for you to get off the school bus. The days where no matter what kind of day it was, rain or shine, it was going to be a good day. I am going to go back to those days, I am going to try my hardest to make my life go back to simplistic times. Maybe not that simplistic, but where the day will be great, no matter the weather, no matter the situations.

I will make my life the way I want it to be. It may not happen over night, but I will learn with time, that this is MY life, and I wont live it stressed, frustrated and upset, because I have ultimate power over what goes on. I will take control back!

~ Live, Laugh, Love

If I am Not a Real Friend, Then I Wont be a Friend at All

Well, my brilliant idea of ignoring the situation worked!

However, I should have guessed more drama would follow. I need to learn that, usually when someone starts drama, it's because they enjoy it. So of course, the next chance they see at causing tension, they snag it, and blow it up so big it pops, and out pours a confetti of drama. I can't believe people get upset for one of their friends hanging out with other people. To me, that is extremely selfish, and childish. Hello, news flash, people are aloud to have more than one friend. The other night, one of my friends and I decided it would be a lot of fun to have a girls night. It started off as an idea to go downtown and hit up a few bars. So, we invited girls that were of age. Then, the more we thought about it, no one really wanted to be DD, or spend the money on drinks that we can make ourselves. So the idea of staying at one of our homes occurred. Where is the drama you ask? From the one underaged girl, who was not invited. Sure, I understand being upset that all the people you know are out having a good time, and being stuck at home alone. I do understand that, and later on she was invited, but she declined and made the choice to sit at home and be miserable. Later on, when I got home and signed onto Facebook, she started up a chat, and started to accuse me of not being a real friend, a lier and a backstabber. As she went on about how miserable her life here is, I tried to help her, and tell her that if she is unhappy she needs to take control of the situation and change it. Of course, she felt I was lecturing her. This wasn't my intent, but I can see where it came across that way.

Anyway, so after I have been told not only once, but twice I am not a real friend, I have decided I wont be a friend at all. I don't need people like this in my life. Those who think they are the victim in every situation, and then the next day apologize, only to pull the same shit again a few days later. I'm sorry, but i have had enough tears and unhappiness in my life, I don't need anymore. I have enough self-respect to weed out the people in my life who cause pain and tears. So that is exactly what I have done. For the first time in a long time, drama re-entered my life, but this time, I am smart and taking it out as fast as I can. I have learned that people who surround themselves with drama, never change. No matter how much you try to help them see their ways. So, I wont be wasting my time. If I am not a real friend, then I wont be a friend at all.

~ Live, Laugh, Love

When It Rains, It Pours

Drama.

I am so sick of drama. I thought when I graduated high school I would have gotten away from it all, but it always seems to find a way to leak back into my life. This time, when I am dealing with it, I am doing the mature thing, like a normal adult should do. I am going to ignore the situation. Not talk about it, and just let it blow over. This doesn't mean I am not aggravated by it, or not bothered by it, but I don't want to feed it, and have it become a bigger problem. Part of me wants to just lash out, and let every emotion I am feeling come pouring out. Yet, if I do that, I know things I wont want to say, will come out along with the rest of my word vomit, and cause some serious damage. Another part of me wants to discuss this situation maturely and let the other know how I feel. However, I know this wont be taken in a mature matter, and will only be twisted to become another issue of drama. So yes, my last choice is to ignore the whole situation all together. We will see how it plays out, and hopefully, it plays out the way I hope it will.

On top of all the drama I have been dealing with other emotions. It's the month of June, which holds the national holiday for dads. Also known as: Father's Day. This holiday is very hard on me, seeing as a few years ago I lost mine to prostate cancer. I am still grieving, and still upset, but have moved on with my life and have become very happy. Yet, when I walk into a store, and all I see are shirts that say "#1 dad" or cards saying "Happy Fathers Day" or the commercials on TV telling me what my dad would like for fathers day, it's like a slap in the face and a reminder that mine is no longer physically with me. Also, I feel the more time passes the less I feel him spiritually. It's becoming harder to hear his laugh in my head, or remember the warm embrace his hugs gave me. Unless I look at a photo, I can hardly see his smile. To top all this off, I am going to Colorado this month to go through his old things with my mom and brother. It's going to be a hard time for all of us, especially with Father's Day being right around the corner. I hope to grab a few things to help me latch onto his memory even more and to hold and cherish to someday pass onto my children so they have something to connect to their grandfather and feel like they know him in some way.

My husband tries to help with my grieving, and bless his little heart for trying. I don't blame him for not knowing what to do or how to handle the situation. I mean, honestly who does? However, he and I had a serious conversation the other night, and part of what he said hurt my feelings. Mostly about my weight. He has admitted that he wants me to lose the weight for selfish reasons. He wonders what sex would be like with a girl as skinny as he is. I am not that over weight. Granted I am heavy set, but not by much, and I am currently working on it. I have been doing very well, and have even seen some progress. Although, I told him, I am losing weight more for him than myself. Because I love him, and i want him to be as happy as he can be. He also makes me want to be the best that I can be. However, when I ask for something in return it's like I am asking him to get a route canal. He admitted that this was a problem of his, and he needs to work on it, but I guess it's one of those things that I have to see it to believe it. It's aggravating to do all the cleaning, laundry and cooking, and not even get the slightest reaction. A thank you here or there would be a great start. Simply helping me with the dishes after would be one of the most romantic things he could do for me at this point. Don't even get me started on romance. To sum it all up, we are both sexually frustrated, and it seems love-making has gone completely out the window. I hope to stop by Barns and Nobles sometime this week and find a few books that may help us out in the bedroom, which will lead to helping in other areas of our life together.

Anyway, when it rains it pours, and right now I have a heavy storm cloud sitting above me, and I just need to wait for it to blow over and let the sun shine once more. Until next time...

~ Live, Laugh, Love

A Military Wife is a Different Type of Woman

I have been letting things around the house get so bad lately. The dishes have been piling up, the carpet needs a serious vacuuming, and the laundry defiantly needs to be done. I am not sure if it's the thought that so much is needing to be done, that I feel lost and unable to find the starting line, or that I have been feeling so down in the dumps lately. I guess when I think about it, it's a little bit of both. I let it get so bad because I have been upset, and now that it has gotten to be so bad, I don't even know where to begin.

When I married Matt I thought everything would be great. Don't get me wrong, it's better than being apart and away from him, but it's not all rainbows and puppy-dogs either. Matt is on this new schedule. It's 7 days on 2 days off shift rotation. Sound confusing? It is. Let me try to explain it to you.

For one week (7 days) Matt will be on what they call "Swings"

11am - 11pm

I think of Swings as "Swinging" from day to night

Then Matt will have 2 days off before going into the next 7 day shift called "Mids"

8pm - 8am

I think of Mids as "Middle" of the night. Why not call it nights... not really sure.

Then Matt will have 2 days off before going into the next 7 day shift called "Days"

7am - 7pm

This one is self - explanatory

Of course this next one is different from the rest, it's only 4 days and it is called "T-week"

6am - 6pm

It is much like Days, except only 4 days long and other technical crap that doesn't pertain to me.

After these 4 days, Matt gets a 4 day weekend! And then he repeats this whole schedule until he is all done, and graduated from Prototype.

These hours make is so difficult to have a decent routine. Once we have one going nicely, he switches it up, and everything kind of falls down. I am working on getting used to this. Because this is how it will pretty much be for the next 4 years of our lives together. Nothing is set-in-stone and I can't count on anything. I know what a lot of people are thinking, "Get on your own routine, and if he can fall into that's great, if not... too bad". Trust me, I have thought about this too, and I have even tried, but it's hard when you love someone so much, you want to do everything you can to incorporate time together. So, of course instead of cleaning up the house like I had planned to do on the day Matt has off, I will sit and watch movies with him. I know it's my own fault. Then when I try to do things productive on the days he is working, I just get so lonely, and so upset. I can't control my thoughts, trust me I have tried. I will start talking to my cat, and then realize... he isn't talking back. Then I start to wish desperately, that he would talk back. Have an actual conversation with me.

Now I know what you are all thinking again, "hang out with friends, go meet people." I do have friends, but all their husbands are on different schedules. So while mine is away at work, their husband is at home. So, when I ask if they want to go out, you can count on it that they wont want to leave. I understand, I do the same when my husband is home. Time together is so limited. You have to think, the time that they are home, they spend sleeping. Of course it's really hard for me to make friends outside of the Navy. I will talk to people and get their numbers, but most of them have their own network of friends that they have had for a while in the area, and it is very hard to break into the circle. Especially knowing that you are going to be leaving in a few months anyway.

I was hanging out with some Chief's wives the other day. They were telling my friends and me about life as a Navy wife down the road. One thing they said was, "A military wife, is a different type of woman." I thought about that, and after they expanded on the idea, it is very true. I will listen to my friends whine and gripe about their boyfriends or husbands, and how they are late coming home by a few moments or don't listen to what they were saying. I know if my husband calls and says he will be late to dinner by a few minutes, it could easily turn into a few hours. If he remembers something I said I wanted, and later on gets it for me, it's a damn near miracle that he had room to store that information and then time to get it for me. I cherish the time we do get to spend together. Girls who bitch about their man not doing yard work on his days off, I think I would rather have mine hanging out with me and having a good time, than wasting his time doing something I can easily do while he is away. I find that my other military wife friends all have the same opinions I do, and then when I talk to my non-military wife friends, I find my patience is very limited with them.

Anyway, enough about that. I guess really I wanted to write today to get my thoughts out to where I can see it. Since there is so many thoughts scrambling my head, I thought it would be quicker to type it all out, than to write it all out. I guess my own solution is to get into my own routine, each day have certain chores that need to be met, and then if Matthew falls into that time with me, he can either spend time with me by helping, or I can wake up early to get it all done. Or, I think I can plan my weeks schedule, and work around his. Which sounds like a better idea! I will try this! I will let you all know how it turns out.

~Live, Laugh, Love

Not an Oversized Blob... Just a Blob

This week has been very productive for me! I have gotten a lot accomplished around the house, so hopefully now that things are caught up, and can keep up with it. Which wont be that hard, now that I am not sick. Things got horribly messy while I did nothing. Which I hope Matt realizes just how much I do around the house after seeing it last week, compared to this week. I wont hold my breath for that though, boy can't figure anything out.

Remember how I was talking about our one year anniversary, and how I really wanted flowers? Yeah, the day came and went and no flowers, no present, not even a card. I was lucky to get a "happy anniversary" out of him. To his benefit he took me out to a lovely sushi dinner and we went and saw "Alice in wonderland" in Imax 3D. That would have been perfect, however he was tired, and grumpy the whole night, which put the whole night into just another day. I wish he would just take the extra effort into our relationship! He expects me to cook, clean, get a job, lose weight and more for him. He thinks by me doing that, is my way of showing him I love him. Which sure, I can see cooking and cleaning for him being a way to show that to him, but when he expects it, it takes the love out of it. Not to mention, I put in all this effort and I am not getting much in return! His idea of love is getting up every morning and going to work and bringing in money.... news flash, he would have to do that married or not, so how is that love?! If you have the answer, please let me know. Cause I would love to know!

Oh well, I wont go on ranting about him in this blog entry. I have started my diet up again. I hate how it is again, and not for the second time, it's like a billionth "again". However, I am proud that I don't just give up, I keep going back to it, and even when I am not "on" I try to make healthier choices. So, let's hope weight comes off this time, and I keep with it. I am going to get into the swing of eating right, and once I have that, start going to the gym again for about 30 - 60 min everyday of Cardio. Hopefully by the time Matt is out of prototype I will have lost about 30 - 40 pounds. That would be nice! Then when I meet new people, I wont feel like that oversized blob in the crowed. Just a blob... hehe

Anyway, I still have things around the house I want to get done before Matt gets home, I just wanted to pop on here and update! Toodles!

~ Live, Laugh, Love

It Came On All Of A Sudden On Sunday Night

Tomorrow is Matt's and my one year anniversary of being married! How crazy is that? I am super excited! I ended up making him the scrapbook like I said I would, and it turned out great. I am so glad I ended up doing it when I did, because no way would i have been able to get it accomplished this week, with the way it has been.

I have been super sick. It came on all of a sudden on Sunday night. We were watching a movie (Repo, which was great by-the-way) when all of a sudden my throat started to hurt, and i could barely swallow. It got worse and worse throughout the night. I woke up several time that evening, and I finally went to get some medication. When I got back, Matt asked me what was the matter and why I had been tossing and turning more than usual. At that point, I just started to cry. I don't know if this is common, but when I don't feel well, the only emotion I can express is sobs. I had been crying into Matt for a good half an hour, when I sat up randomly and said "Well, that was a dumb idea... now I have a pounding headache!" He couldn't help but smile at me, and he went and got me water and hot tea. He is such a sweetheart!

Unfortunately he had to leave for work about an hour later. I felt horrible, every time I woke up, he woke up too, so he didn't get a good nights sleep either, and unlike me, he had to work 12 hours that day. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was in so much pain I decided it just wasn't going to happen, so I popped on Facebook. Yeah, that was stupid, who the hell is up at such an early hour? So I tried going back to sleep and was lucky to have caught an hour or so. I kept waking up more miserable than the last time, and finally at 11 I told myself to just get up and watch a movie.

Chrissy had spent the evening at my place that night too, so I found her awake, and told her I was going to be a horrible host. I was running a fever, and wasn't in any condition to drive, cook, or entertain. She was fine with that, and understood and more than a dozen times offered to help me or make me something to eat. When I am really sick, you will know it, because I will want the least amount of attention I can get, and just disappear. Unlike if I had a paper cut, I would be milking all the attention I could get for what it was worth.

So Chrissy and I sat around until Roberts woke up and came to pick us up to take us to lunch. We ended up going to T.G.I.F and I ordered the chicken strips. I ate half of a chicken strip when the feeling of nausea came about, so I stopped and had the rest boxed up. After lunch I ended up going back home and just laying in bed miserably all alone.

When Matt finally got back, he came in and checked on me, and felt my forehead. He then went to the kitchen and got me water and Advil. I was hoping for Nyquil, but he told me it wouldn't help break the fever. So I took the Advil while he started my bath. It was nice to have him come home and take care of me. If it would have been anyone else i would have felt bad and uncomfortable with it, but he made it feel right, and that it was ok to be sick. While I was in the tub, he made me more hot tea, and let me sip on it while I took my bath.

I then got out and went back to bed, and fell asleep, but still awoke many times that night, and woke up the next day, feeling worse than the last! Luckily Chrissy didn't spend the night, and I was able to just lay on the couch, watch stupid cartoons and doze in and out. I think yesterdays laziness helped because I only woke a few times last night, due to coughing and i feel 75% better today! I only have a stuffy nose which is a causing factor to my throat still being sore. Other than that, I have more energy, and will try to get the house straightened up and do a load or two of laundry.

I know hearing about my sickness is boring, and why would I go into details, but to be honest, I haven't been this sick in over 2 years! I can't even remember the last time I got this sick. So it has been an experience for me. Unfortunately Chrissy messaged me this morning telling me she woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose... oops. I really hope I don't give it to Matt too! that would suck! Because at least I am getting better for our one year anniversary weekend. He would be at the peak of the sickness when it's the worst! So cross your fingers that what I had was the flu, and since he had the flu shot, and I didn't, he wont get it!

Speaking of our anniversary weekend, I have no idea what we are planning to do to celebrate. I have been looking around for nice restaurants and all that, but I guess we will wait and see how I feel. I know I said I feel better, but sometimes I get cocky and overdo it, and exhaust myself and take 3 steps back. I need to go out and get an anniversary gift bag to put my scrapbook in, and some tissue paper! I can't not have it be wrapped!

I hope Matt gets me flowers! I love flowers, even if they do just end up dying and the cats play with the fallen leaves and ground them into the carpet for me to vacuum, I still love flowers. I also hope he listened to my "hint" of what I wanted. I took him to best buy, showed him the camera I have been wanting and looked at him and said "Gosh, this would make a great anniversary gift! I know I would love it, if you got it for me!" So, we will see, he is a man, and sometimes those "subtle" hints don't get through to him, but I also don't want to be like "Hey, buy me this for our anniversary, ok? Thanks! I love you!" Seems rude... lol

Anyway, I am going to stop babbling. I am bored and nothing good is on TV, so I have been wasting time writing on here. Congratulations if you read all the way to this point, you must have no life either! Yay us!

~ Live, Laugh, Love

I think I May Have Gotten Whiplash!

Oh my goodness,

It is already March! With this month brings happiness! It means spring is just around the corner, and the snow will melt and the grass will be green! The sun will be warm, and the need for jackets will be gone! It is also the month Matt and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary of being married! This year has flown by so fast, I think I may have gotten whiplash!

Today, after I am done with the house chores I am going to go to the mall to look around for possibilities for a gift for Matt. Traditionally, the first year anniversary is paper, so I was thinking a scrapbook of our year together! Although, I have no idea where to even begin making a scrapbook. Let alone one in about a week and a half. Oh well, I think it will be fun, and then for our second year together I can build as we go, and for sure take a lot more photos along the way!

Other than that, I also plan to stop off at barns and Noble today, so I can pick up the second book in the series I am reading, which is very good, and I am enjoying it very much! Then after that I need to go grocery shopping, and get ingredients for the Chicken Tortilla soup I will be making for Matt, and pick up some yogurts for me! Today should be a good day! That is, if I actually do what I am saying I am going to do. That is what happened yesterday.

Anyway, if I am going to do these things, I need to hop in the shower, get dressed, get the home chores done, and head on out! Toodles!

~ Live, Laugh, Love

Can I Manage To Keep My Sanity?

I'm not really sure where to begin. I suppose I will start off by telling you all how my first Valentine's Day went with my my husband.

It was an amazing day, actually. We woke up, and I made a delicious egg, bacon and cheese sandwich for the both of us. We then decided to clean up the house (in the thoughts that we might have company over for dinner) Once we got the word that the people we were expected to come over, had previous plans, we decided we would go out to a Valentines Day lunch at the Racino Buffet. The food was delicious as always. Of course, every time Matt and I go to the Racino, we have to gamble a few bucks. Lucky this time, Matt brought 10 dollars in loose change we had laying around. So we cashed that in and each played with 5 bucks. Matt lost his within moments and so did I. However, the woman next to me decided I should play more, and gave be a 20 dollar bill to play more. Well, thankfully she did, because that 20 turned into 280 bucks! Of course we gave her the 20 back, and we walked away 250 dollars richer! What a great Valentines Day gift to ourselves! We got back to the house, and exchanged gifts. I ended up getting Matt the blu-ray version of "Monster Inc." and a card, while he got me the softest and cutest cat stuffed animal holding a fish that says "you are a catch" along with the sweetest card! We decided to lounge around a bit more before dinner. I made a delicious lasagna, caesar salad and garlic bread entree with red wine to drink. And for dessert, we had strawberries and bananas that we dipped in chocolate. All-in-all in was a fantastic day.

I am thankful for the wonderful day, and I am thankful to have a husband who cares. But lately he has been stressing me out. He wants a lot out of me, and to be honest, I am not sure if I can do it all. He wants me to lose weight. (of course he only wants this, because i want this, and his showing of support sometimes comes out as demanding). He wants me to get a job (He only wants this because he knows it will help me stay sane while he works such long hours) He wants me to clean the house, and have dinner made up for him when he gets home. Those two, I do have a slight problem with. I don't mind cleaning or cooking, but if he expects me to be dieting and working, those two things may not get done on a daily basis, and I don't think he will understand why. I feel like he wants me to do so much, that at the end of the day I feel like a failure, because I can't get to it all. Curse me and wanting to please him in every way possible. Also, while dieting, I can't eat the types of food he wants to eat. So it makes it very hard for me to cook. I have to end up making two separate meals, and of course I am going to want what he is having. It's torture having to make the meal I want to eat. Putting all that work into it, and not even being aloud to enjoy it. Maybe it would be easier if he was in the kitchen helping out with the cooking, but even when I asked for help yesterday with the lasagna, he told me he is useless in the kitchen, and that he wasn't going to do it. I did manage to get help with cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes and all that, so he didn't get in trouble, but how hard is it to help out your wife in the kitchen? It can be fun, but he doesn't even want to try. I am still planning out a way to talk to him about it, and having him try to understand my point of view, but with him being a man, I know talking to him about it, is completely useless.

The other thing that bothers me, is I have virtually no friends that live near me. There are 2 other navy wives i know, and hang out with. We all know the outcome of three people hanging out though. One always ends up "third-wheel". Well, that third-wheel is me. Of course, each of them only owns one car, and their husbands drive them to work. I on the other hand have 2 cars, so I am left with a vehicle at all times of the day. So who to you think they call when they need something, or want to go somewhere? If you guessed me, your right! Every time that they want to "hang out" is for their own personal reasons, and let me tell you, it has nothing to do with me. So, honestly, I don't want to hang out with them anymore, because they don't like me, they like what I have to offer, and i wont be used like that.

So what do I do for the long hours Matt is away at work? That's the problem, I don't have a job yet, and my sanity is going out the window. It could be because I am PMSing, or because I really am starting to feel worthless and useless. Then, Matt has all this crap that he put off for many weeks, and now that he is working the hours that most of the places are open, he can't do it. So now I am stuck with all his paper work. If it's not one thing, it's another. He comes home, and spots everything that I didn't do, rather than all that I did do. So he gives me a list of what needs to be done the next day. This makes me feel like a slave to him. Like all I am is the person to do all the things he doesn't want to do. If I could go to work for him, trust me, I am sure he would want me to do that too. He gets frustrated if the laundry hasn't been folded, but I am not aloud to get mad at him when he leaves his boots in the middle of the floor. Last time I checked, folding laundry is a lot more effort than taking your shoes off by a wall! That is all I ask! Oh well, I will think of some way to approach him with these issues. Until then, I do need to do laundry, I am running out of underwear! Then I might as well run out to the store and get some stuff that I can eat. Healthy food just doesn't stay fresh for long.

~ Live, Laugh, Love

When The Hell Did We Grow Up?

So Matt and I made it to New York safely. The drive up here was very intense. We went through a record breaking storm in Virginia. Snow was pilling up on the roads, and the snow plows haven't gotten around to plowing yet. The speeds were very slow, and it felt like we were just crawling along the high way. At one point, I hit a patch of ice, and lost control of the car. Fish tailing all over the road, and finally bumping into the guard rail. I did little damage to the car, and no harm done to myself, or the cats, thankfully. I was shaking all over, and when Matt came running over to me from the Prius, I just started crying from the fear. I was able to climb back in however, and drive another 60 miles until we needed to pull off for gas and food. Other than that, the drive was long, tiresome and uneventful.

Once we got to Saratoga Springs, we apartment shopped. We looked for 3 days, and finally found a place we both loved, and agreed to. It's a three bedroom, two bath apartment with an attached garage. It's brand new, so Matt and I are the very first tenants! Our furniture was delayed getting to us, so we had 5 horrible nights of sleeping on the air mattress, but yesterday, the movers finally showed up, and we were able to sleep in our own bed last night. I didn't sleep as well as I would have hopped however. Maybe it was from all the unpacking I did throughout the day. I was able to get the kitchen all unpacked and put away, as well as the master bedroom. Maybe it was my body used to waking every hour and repositioning myself on the air mattress. Whatever it was, it is making for a long day today.

Matt started Prototype yesterday. He was gone a full 14 hours. from 5:00am to 7:00pm. Today and the rest of the week will be shorter however. From 7am - 7pm... ooo a full 2 hours. That will be his hours for the next 5 weeks. Then he starts the oddest hours. One week will be 6am - 6pm then the next week will be 9pm - 9am and the third week will be 12am - 12pm. 7 days on, 2 days off rotation. Can't he just have day shifts and swing shifts? make it at least some-what easier to make a schedule off of. Oh wait, it's the military... why would they make anything easy?!

I am so sick of unpacking all these boxes. To make it worse, knowing that it will all be packed up again here in 6 months! Very un-motivating if you ask me. I still have to straighten the master bedroom, and crush the boxes, and then move on to the spare bedrooms. I believe there a total of 13 boxes left, and i may not even unpack all of them. The things that we don't need, I will throw into a closet, so it can be easily moved next time. Only getting out the essentials at this point, because we are moving again so soon. I hate to move so soon, it makes finding a job so much more difficult. I would love to get a job, because the next 6 months are going to be very lonely. I would like to have a purpose each day, and bring in money. So I can afford to buy Matt a gift when special occasions come up. Like Valentines Day and our Anniversary.

I can't believe Matt and I have been married for almost a year now. It still blows my mind how fast time flies. Even crazier, my best friend Caitlyn is coming up on 2 years with her husband! It doesn't feel like is has been that long. It feels like just a few months ago, she was packing up all her stuff in CO to move to Missouri to be with Seth, and here she is living in a house in NC, for over a year! ... When the hell did we all of a sudden become adults?

Anyway, my goal for the house is to have everything I want unpacked, unpacked by tomorrow evening. Trash picks up early Thursday mornings, so I hope to get rid of all the boxes and trash bags, and then straighten the house, and have it look presentable. Not that we will be having much company, but you never know. So off I go to continue with more unpacking. Wish me luck!

~Live, Laugh, Love

Just A Horrible Day

Honestly, today has been a horrible day. When I woke up, I should have only guessed it would be. My throat was dry and swollen from allergies, and it took a few hours until I could even talk straight. Once my voice decided it would revive from the dead, Matt wanted me to go with him to the DMV. Before we leave I ask, "Do you have you passport, Birth Certificate, Social Security card and proof of residency?" He then precedes to comment over me with "My military ID covers all that!" Fine, ok cool, that's nice and handy. Well when we get there, we were informed that this wasn't the case, and Matt actually needed a passport or a birth certificate. So, we head on home only to find out that the passport has been misplaced and we are unable to locate it. (the birth certificate is still in Colorado we believe) In the process of looking for it, our house was turned inside out. Papers are everywhere, and boxes are thrown across the halls, clothes have been thrown around. After I had just finished cleaning the house, after cleaning the house!!! This will be the third time I will have cleaned up the house, because my husband has trashed it. Of course, he does say he will clean it up... but here we are, mess still in our home, and he is busy playing that stupid game on the Xbox. I have such a headache from all of it. It feels like the house can't be clean for a full 24 hours. It's just tiresome. We have everything packed up tomorrow, and I know it may sound silly, but I want to have the house it the cleanest condition for the movers. I believe it will make their lives easier, and I will feel much better about everything. Of course, we also have to get everything we want in the car separated from everything else that will be going into the truck, and I am sure I will be the only one doing that as well. Why is it, I have to do everything, while he sits on his ass and plays video games? Then the stupid question around 5 o'clock comes out of his mouth "What's for dinner?" I don't know.... why don't you fix something! Earn your freaking keep around here. (But he brings in the money Stacey... he is earning his keep. You earn yours by cleaning and cooking) Bullshit! I will clean and cook, but I will not clean up after him and cook for him. Those are two entirely separate things! If you don't get that, jump off a fucking bridge cause your the moron that causes these issues in a household. Anyway... I don't mean to rant, but being so close to us leaving to get to New York, and I feel I am doing everything in my power to have things go smoothly, and he comes right behind me and messes it all up! It's just, frustrating! Of course if I point this out to him, he will somehow make me feel horrible about myself, and make me feel guilty. Oh well, I better start cleaning and packing up everything we need, so I can make dinner. I will update later.

~ Live, Laugh, Love

It Never Crossed My Mind

It has been a while since I have wrote anything on my blogger. Once Matt graduated from Power School, he was home much more. It's very nice having him here more often then not. I am able to talk with someone, that will talk back! It has been a nice change of pace. Also, it kept me very busy, so the thought of just sitting down and writing out my thoughts never crossed my mind.

Let's see, what all has been happening since I last updated? We adopted a kitten! She was a stray, wondering outside of the big Nex (Navy Exchange) and I had been watching her for a week or so. The more time that went on, the smaller she got; rumors were spread that her mother had been picked up, and the kittens weren't old enough to hunt on their own. So, after she was caught, we brought her to our place, and here she stayed. She is a ball full of energy, but I have grown very attached to her. She is now about 5 months old. So that must mean we had her at 4 - 6 weeks old. She just went through surgery to be spayed, and declawed. I am sure this will make my other cat, Maximus, very happy when they play. She had to stay over night, so we will be able to pick her up this afternoon! I am can't wait to bring her home and have her in my arms again. (Told you I have grown attached!)

Matt and I have also turned the lovely number, 21! We have been having a lot of fun, going to bars and ordering drinks. He isn't much of a beer drinker, but I have grown to love beer. There is this great sports bar we go to. They have the best pizza I have ever tasted, for a great price. Every Monday, they do Trivia! So Matt and a few of his buddies, as well as myself, go out and play each Monday. We usually get 2nd or 3rd place. More than just winning it's a great time, we are out of the house and with friends! I will be sad to leave that place...

The biggest and most recent news, is Matt got new orders. We are being transferred to New York for his last phase of training. We are moving this Friday. Yes, 3 days from now! It's been very stressful, and scary. Don't get me wrong, it's exciting. Yet, at the same time, it's all very fast. We don't have a place to move into once we get up there. There is a place we have been looking at, and talking to the landlord of, and there seems to me so many issues with trying to do everything over the internet, so hopefully they will wait a week for us to get up there, look at the property, and sign the lease. I will be sharing my thoughts throughout the entire trip, so we will see how it goes. But with moving, there is a ton of work!

Yesterday we had our first inspection. A man came through to look for any major damages. He said everything looked great, just clean out the appliances once everything has been moved out. On Wednesday, the movers come. They will pack everything up in boxes. So, today, we have to get everything we want in the car. (at least 300 pounds worth, to get re-inbursed by the Navy) Then on Thursday, the movers come back, and take everything and load it into the truck. Last, on Friday, the final inspection. Then we are on the road and off to New York!

I have always wanted to live in New York. It's a really neat state. But I always wanted to live in New York City, and that is not where we will be. We are up-state New York in Saratoga Springs. So almost as north as you can get, which to me, only means one thing. COLD! And we are moving there in the winter! Ugh, not fun! But, at least I wont have to deal with the South Carolina summer again. That was brutal!! And it was a mild summer according to the locals! So at least I wont be here for that!

Anyway, that's basically what has been going on. A lot! But only because I haven't updated in a while. So I will try to update more often. It's fun to go back through and read my blogs. So I hope to keep up with it more often and tell everything as it happens, so I get more of a feeling of what I felt at the time. So until next time...

~ Live, Laugh, Love