I'm not really sure where to begin. I suppose I will start off by telling you all how my first Valentine's Day went with my my husband.
It was an amazing day, actually. We woke up, and I made a delicious egg, bacon and cheese sandwich for the both of us. We then decided to clean up the house (in the thoughts that we might have company over for dinner) Once we got the word that the people we were expected to come over, had previous plans, we decided we would go out to a Valentines Day lunch at the Racino Buffet. The food was delicious as always. Of course, every time Matt and I go to the Racino, we have to gamble a few bucks. Lucky this time, Matt brought 10 dollars in loose change we had laying around. So we cashed that in and each played with 5 bucks. Matt lost his within moments and so did I. However, the woman next to me decided I should play more, and gave be a 20 dollar bill to play more. Well, thankfully she did, because that 20 turned into 280 bucks! Of course we gave her the 20 back, and we walked away 250 dollars richer! What a great Valentines Day gift to ourselves! We got back to the house, and exchanged gifts. I ended up getting Matt the blu-ray version of "Monster Inc." and a card, while he got me the softest and cutest cat stuffed animal holding a fish that says "you are a catch" along with the sweetest card! We decided to lounge around a bit more before dinner. I made a delicious lasagna, caesar salad and garlic bread entree with red wine to drink. And for dessert, we had strawberries and bananas that we dipped in chocolate. All-in-all in was a fantastic day.
I am thankful for the wonderful day, and I am thankful to have a husband who cares. But lately he has been stressing me out. He wants a lot out of me, and to be honest, I am not sure if I can do it all. He wants me to lose weight. (of course he only wants this, because i want this, and his showing of support sometimes comes out as demanding). He wants me to get a job (He only wants this because he knows it will help me stay sane while he works such long hours) He wants me to clean the house, and have dinner made up for him when he gets home. Those two, I do have a slight problem with. I don't mind cleaning or cooking, but if he expects me to be dieting and working, those two things may not get done on a daily basis, and I don't think he will understand why. I feel like he wants me to do so much, that at the end of the day I feel like a failure, because I can't get to it all. Curse me and wanting to please him in every way possible. Also, while dieting, I can't eat the types of food he wants to eat. So it makes it very hard for me to cook. I have to end up making two separate meals, and of course I am going to want what he is having. It's torture having to make the meal I want to eat. Putting all that work into it, and not even being aloud to enjoy it. Maybe it would be easier if he was in the kitchen helping out with the cooking, but even when I asked for help yesterday with the lasagna, he told me he is useless in the kitchen, and that he wasn't going to do it. I did manage to get help with cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes and all that, so he didn't get in trouble, but how hard is it to help out your wife in the kitchen? It can be fun, but he doesn't even want to try. I am still planning out a way to talk to him about it, and having him try to understand my point of view, but with him being a man, I know talking to him about it, is completely useless.
The other thing that bothers me, is I have virtually no friends that live near me. There are 2 other navy wives i know, and hang out with. We all know the outcome of three people hanging out though. One always ends up "third-wheel". Well, that third-wheel is me. Of course, each of them only owns one car, and their husbands drive them to work. I on the other hand have 2 cars, so I am left with a vehicle at all times of the day. So who to you think they call when they need something, or want to go somewhere? If you guessed me, your right! Every time that they want to "hang out" is for their own personal reasons, and let me tell you, it has nothing to do with me. So, honestly, I don't want to hang out with them anymore, because they don't like me, they like what I have to offer, and i wont be used like that.
So what do I do for the long hours Matt is away at work? That's the problem, I don't have a job yet, and my sanity is going out the window. It could be because I am PMSing, or because I really am starting to feel worthless and useless. Then, Matt has all this crap that he put off for many weeks, and now that he is working the hours that most of the places are open, he can't do it. So now I am stuck with all his paper work. If it's not one thing, it's another. He comes home, and spots everything that I didn't do, rather than all that I did do. So he gives me a list of what needs to be done the next day. This makes me feel like a slave to him. Like all I am is the person to do all the things he doesn't want to do. If I could go to work for him, trust me, I am sure he would want me to do that too. He gets frustrated if the laundry hasn't been folded, but I am not aloud to get mad at him when he leaves his boots in the middle of the floor. Last time I checked, folding laundry is a lot more effort than taking your shoes off by a wall! That is all I ask! Oh well, I will think of some way to approach him with these issues. Until then, I do need to do laundry, I am running out of underwear! Then I might as well run out to the store and get some stuff that I can eat. Healthy food just doesn't stay fresh for long.
~ Live, Laugh, Love
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