Crazy Cat Woman?!

I have been around the neighborhood several times looking for signs that say "Now Hiring". I have even been to places that don't have signs, just to make sure. I have filled out countless of applications, and had a few interviews, but for some odd reason, I am never the one they hire. I dress up nicely, I smile, I am clean, I sound enthusiastic, and yet, still no job. I am not sure what I am doing wrong, but hope it fixes itself soon, because I need money!

Anyway, I keep being told, that I need to occupy my time, find a hobby. So I came up with one. Filming and editing videos. Though I need ideas, inspiration, and when I go and ask all the people who have told me to get a hobby, I am told I need a life, and a job. OK so now I am pissed. No shit I need a job! Obviously that is all I have been trying to do these past 4 months!! At this point I was becoming depressed so the idea of filming my cat popped into my head. I made one video, it was a ton of fun, and now i am being made fun of. Why? Because I am alone all day? Because everyone else has friends that they can call up and hang out with? Because they all got jobs? They fail to realize, that I sit at home the majority of the day, alone, with nothing to do. My cat is the only other living thing in this house 90% of the time, so he and I have a special bond. Which Matt is a little jealous of. But why is it, when I want to film people, it's cool, but filming my cat, I become some Crazy Cat Woman? If it were a dog, it would probably be different too. Yes, I am pissed. Because I finally found something to occupy my time, and I am told I need a job, I am crazy, I am not "Normal".

What is "Normal"? No one I know is "Normal". Everyone I know, has their own way of living, none of them the same. Oh, and here is something! I had a problem, I am alone and bored and depressed. I found a solution! I figured out that my cat helps me get through the day, this is a way to spend time with him, give him the attention he deserves, and post it on youtube, where I am sure many other people will enjoy him too. I found a way to occupy my time, and not feel so bad about being alone. All the people who tell me I am stupid, crazy and need a job, well they come to me with their own bundle of problems. But you know the difference between us? I found a solution, I found a way to fix my problem. They just sit and complain without doing anything about it. So fuck them. I will do what I want, and they can leave from my life.

Most of the people who tell me these things, have no idea what is going on in my life. Because anytime we talk, they only talk about themselves, never asking about me, and how I am doing. the people who do know how I am feeling, (i.e. Caitlyn, Tyler, Matt and my mom) they support my idea of filming Max. They think it's a great hobby for me. So as to everyone else, like my brother. Fuck off.

Yes, I am pissed, but I am so sick of people telling me something, then when I go off and do it, tell me to do the thing I have already been trying to do for 4 months! Just shut the fuck up, and just listen for once!!!

Anyway, I don't care what others say about my idea of wanting to film my cat. He and i will have a good time doing it, and we will share our final product to those who actually want to see it. Everyone else if they care to see it, can obviously, but it wont be by my invitation. I wont listen to all the "haters" out there, telling me my idea is stupid. For it does make me happy. Max is a special cat, and when the day comes that he passes away, I will be happy that I have videos to remind me of what kind of cat he was.

Anyway, I am done ranting. I am going to do what makes me happy, and I will post the link of the final product here.

~ Live, Laugh, Love

It's the feeling of being "Alone"

This past week I have been dog sitting for one of Matt's friends. His wife is out of town, and the dog I guess is destructive while left alone for more that just an hour or so. Matt and I agreed I would watch the dog throughout the day. I have nothing else better going on, and we could use the extra pocket cash. Since I have the dog here, and we don't want any of our things ruined, I haven't been able to go anywhere without her. She is a cute dog, but extremely needy. It's one thing to ask for some attention, and a whole other thing when it is thrust upon you at full force. causing you to gasp for air before you realize what happened. Slobber all over your face while the dog licks you frantically in excitement. I usually love dogs, they are great companions and help make it easier on people when they suffer from loneliness. yet, this dog in particular, is more of a pain than anything else. My poor cat has been held hostage on top of the refrigerator, for every-time he tries to get a little attention himself, he is attacked. Baring teeth, growls and deep threatening barks. No matter how many times I try to tell this dog, that acting the way she does around my cat, is not ok, she continues to do what she wants. "Sit" and "Stay" mean nothing to her. While my husband and I are eating lunch or dinner, she is licking our knees slobbering, and staring intently at our food. No matter how many times she is kicked out of the way, thrown into another room, yelled at or sprayed with water, it wont get through to her. I regret ever accepting this job. Tomorrow is the last day I have to watch her however. Matt's friend's wife will be getting home in the afternoon, so I can hand the little demon child back over to her parents, and never have to worry about her again.

While I was dog sitting I did learn a few things. This house is big enough for a dog, as much as Matt hated to admit that, he knew I was right. However, not having a backyard was a challenge this week. Every hour on the hour, I would take the dog outside on a leash to let her go to the bathroom. I was not going to take any risks of a mess in this house. (I don't have any of the cleaning supplies to get out any stains right now) I suppose a puppy would learn to not run away the second he/she is not on a leash, and i would be able to take the puppy out back and play without a fence. Or instead of investing in a fence, just get a simple dog run, and put it up to the back door to our patio, leaving both doors open. Giving us a "Small" back yard. So many options. Matt was thinking he would get me a puppy for my birthday, so we will see how that goes.

Nothing else has been going on with me however. I have been reading the Twilight series, and i have grown very fond of the books. It has really helped pass my day while I sit in the house with the dog. I take her on walks, but that can only take up so much time, and TV has lost my interest. So reading was a nice change. Matt and I were going to go Kayaking this weekend, but he was "too tired" to go, so instead, he and his buddies washed their cars, and all smoked hookah, while I finished my book all weekend. It was a bummer. Since I am inside and cooped up here all week, I had to do the exact same thing on the weekend, followed by a whole other week of the same thing. I suppose I am getting restless, the feeling of wanting to scream, cry and punch a hole in the wall all at the same time, seems to be getting stronger everyday.

Sure I could go out, but there isn't much to go to. I could go to the mall, but if you know me at all, you know I hate the mall. I hate the crowds, the over priced merchandise and the fact that I want a lot of things, but can't have any of it. I know this blog sounds whiney, but I am growing so frustrated, that I need to let some of it escape. I know I don't do much, but sitting at home all day, with no friends, really take a lot out of you. It gives me so much more time to think, and when I am alone and upset, thinking isn't the best thing for me. I try to keep myself busy, with cleaning and going to the gym (or walking the dog) If errands are needing to be ran, I will run the errands, but Matt is gone from 6am - 9pm. How do I use up every little bit of my time, where I am not going to sit down and feel like I am alone. Matt might be here, yes, but he is gone more often, so I do feel like I am here alone.

I try not to tell Matt how I am feeling. How lonely I feel, and how desperately I want friends my own age. Sure, some of the Navy wives are nice, but it's frustrating that every-time you see them, they get drunk and wont allow me to drink with them, since I am "under-aged". Then why was I even invited in the first place? Not like you need a designated driver, we are usually at one of their homes. Then when they are drunk and i am sitting their quietly watching how loud they are, and debating if I should just slip out back and leave, they tell me how I should be a wife, and treat my husband. I understand we are all newly weds, but I have been married the longest. Besides, every relationship is different. Her husband likes to have a ton of attention, mine shudders at the thought of someone noticing him in a public place. (ok, maybe not that bad, but you get my point) Anyway, I got over it, and I stopped hanging out with them, it was worse to be with them then alone. Although being alone is pretty hard.

My mind is very cloudy and I can't seem to think straight. I suppose the last few days I was so absorbed into my books, that when I finished "New Moon" and was unable to go on to "Eclipse" because I haven't been able to find it, I have been thinking again. I need to stop doing that. Thinking. It gets me into a log of trouble. The thoughts of how I am thinking. How I am feeling. How am I feeling? It's the Feeling of being "Alone".

Anyway, I am going to stop this babble here, before I sound more whiney. Hope I will find something to do around this house, besides eat.

~Live, Laugh, Love

They taught me everything

It's funny how when I was growing up, I always told myself I would never raise my kids the way my parents raised me. They were so unfair, and unfit to be parents. They never saw life through my eyes and they never could relate to me. Now I realize, they did everything perfectly. I am not self-centered, but I like to think I am a good person. I never got into drugs, I am not an obsessive drinker, I don't lie, and I take pride in most everything I do. I didn't end up this way because I one day said "Hey, this is how I am going to live my life." Nope, we all know who is responsible for that. My parents. They taught me everything I needed to know, told me when I was wrong, and supported me from the side lines. Even if they did shout embarrassing things, and danced in front of my entire school during Senior night at one of the football games. But those are the memories I keep with me now that my parents let go of my hand and told me it was time to leave them, and start my own life. I take the skills and knowledge they gave me, and bring it to my own family. I'm still stupid when it comes to life, I don't know nearly as much as I probably think I do, and I will be first to admit that, but what I do know, helps me learn more. I never really got to thank my parents properly for all that they have done for me, and I should now that I am thinking about it. However, I know I don't have to say anything for them to know how grateful I am. Turns out, they know a lot more on what is going on inside my head than I do. (Which in some cases is scary!) I didn't mean for this blog to be sappy, but I was thinking about my life and where I am today, and I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for two very important people in my life, my mom and my dad! Here I am, living in my own house, with a husband and a cat, able to support ourselves and live the way we want. Yet, even though I am able to live anyway I want, the way I was raised, I still think to myself "What would mom and dad think of this" before I make any decision. The answer usually lead me into the right direction, and therefore, I am in a place in my life where I couldn't be happier! Although, there are some down sides to my life, but it's part of this roller coaster we call life, right?

I love my husband, more than anything! He is my world, and makes me the happiest I have ever been. However, I can't help but think about the day he will be deployed. The day where he will step onto that boat, and it will be months maybe even a year or more before I see him again. I think about how lonely I am now, and I still get to see him every night, and lay in bed with him, feeling warm and safe. How will I sleep while he isn't there? It will be so weird cooking for one, and not two. Doing laundry for one, and dishes for one (although, there will be a lot less, and maybe there will be a light at the end of that cold, dark tunnel).  I don't want to think about it, but I do, and i know he worries about it too. Not for what he will have to go through, but what I will have to go through. He never thinks about himself, and i know most of you are thinking that is a great quality in a man. It is, but sometimes he needs to take care of himself, because I can only do so much. Anyway, we still have about a year before he will be deployed, but it will always be on my mind. I know when he leaves I will be calling my mommy up and making her come visit me for a week! 

As for now, I need to continue concentrating on getting a job. I have applied at a few more places that have just recently started to hire people. I think I applied right as they notified the public that they are hiring, so hopefully I will hear back! I can't wait to start working! Make my own friends, bring in some income and help pay off the Prius, as well as buy a new Digital camera. Not just any camera, I want a Nikon, one of those $800.00 and up ones! I am getting back into photography, and hope to make a  hobby of it! When Matt and I get our first puppy I will be taking tons of photos and making a scrapbook of him! So those are some of my goals for right now. 

So this weekend will be a ton of fun! Matt and I are going to go sailing on Saturday, and possibly kayaking on Sunday! Sailing will be a ton of fun, since his shipmates will be coming along (he told them about it, and they all wanted to join, so I told him it was OK) I wont have to do any work! So I will lay out and get a fantastic tan! Maybe after sailing, I can talk him into taking me to the drive in! I wonder what is playing this weekend. Hope it's something neither of have seen yet! So this weekend should be a ton of fun, and I am looking forward to it! 

Well the evening for me is coming to an end, the last load of laundry is done, my husband is home, and we both still need to shower, put the sheets on the bed and go to sleep. So I leave you with that! 

~ Live, Laugh, Love

Sick, or not Sick

Let's see, here I am sitting at home while my husband is away studying. It's so frustrating that they have to leave home to do their studying. Although, if he was told he was able to study from home, I can only imagine it would never get done. This weekend has been nice, and uneventful. Both Matt and I have not been feeling our best, so we decided laying around the house, watching movies would be a great way to spend our time. We were right, it was a lot of fun as we saw four movies this weekend. We rented, Inkheart, The Knowing, Monsters Inc, and Miss March. 

The only down part to all this, is Matt can only sit still for so long, sick or not sick, the boy gets bored. So he pulled out his slack-line, brushed the dust off, and asked if i wanted to watch him play from inside the car. Of course I did. I hardly see him as it is. So I grabbed my blanket and sat in the car, as I watched my husband balance, wiggle and fall and repeat, several times until he was getting worse than when he started, and decided it was time to give up and pack it up. He wasn't ready to go home however. So we went for a drive around the base to see what all there was out there, since neither of us had been that far into the base. While we were driving around we found a great place to park our car, and go kayaking! So now we know what we will be doing next weekend! I am so excited, I will be out in the sun, getting a tan, and right before we rent a sailboat next Sunday and spend the day sailing! The answer to you question, if you asked yourself, is no, I have no idea how to sail a sailboat! But, my husband does! He grew up around boats with his grandfather, and has sailed many times! So I will sit there, and look pretty, getting more of my tan on! Next weekend will be a ton of fun! I figure Matt and I will be feeling better by then.  However, sick or not sick, the house needs tending to, and laundry needs to be done, and dishes need to be put away. (of course, why would those be the only two things needing to be done today?) So I will post another blog later on in the week! 

~ Live, Laugh, Love

Life in the Cracked, Brittled, Brick Walls

I was told by one of my best friends, this would be a great way to waste my time with. Wasting time, something I used to hate to do, and now it seems it is all I ever do. I suppose being a Navy Wife, or any military wife for that matter, it's something we all learn to get used to. I don't want to get used to it though. I want my own life, not just the one I know within these four cracked, brittled, brick walls. Don't get me wrong, I love this life too, just not for 24 hours 7 days a week. 

I can cook, and I can clean, and most of these chores I don't have a problem with. I say most because there are those few chores, that seem to be never ending. For example, the dishes. Doesn't matter how many times I scavenger the house looking for those hidden dishes my husband left about somewhere, the second I start the dishwasher, I come across it. The one dish, sitting there, taunting me with it's crusted foods and fork glued upon it. Do I stop the dishwasher and throw it in? No, I already played Tetris enough getting what I had to fit in there. Do I just let it sit there, and let it grow mold until my husband picks it up? No, by the time he even notices it is there, the plate would have started to decay. So the only thing left to do is either put it in the sink, and let is soak in soapy water, and wait for the dishwasher to be emptied, or wash the dish by hand, causing my hands to look like raisins, and probably chip several nails trying to peel the crusted food away from it's host. Usually I let it sit in the sink, and wait for the load in the dishwasher to be finished, but then my kitchen seems to never be as clean as I want it to be. 

Then there is the laundry. I thought I changed clothes a lot, or I did until I saw how many times my husband changes in a day. This makes it very difficult to do laundry only once a week as I had planned. Instead I am doing laundry every other day, or so it seems. But the thing about laundry is there are so many steps to it. We all know the routine, wash, dry, fold, repeat. However, while trying to get other chores done in the mists of things, folding seems to turn into "throw clothes on spare bed, I will get to it later". Once the last load is out of the dryer and I enter the room where I have been storing all the clothes, I notice a huge mound of clothes teetering as my cat is happily playing "King of the Hill". Of course I sit there and fold for hours, shooing away my cat every 30 seconds. After several hours the chore is almost complete. I put the clothes away, but then my husband comes home later, he changes out of his uniform, throws it into the hamper, and changes into civilian clothes. This only adds to the hamper more, and then the last time he changes out of his civilian clothes and into his lounging clothes. Now the hamper seems to be half full, and i had just finished the laundry that day!

I don't mind the vacuuming, or the dusting, but the dishes and laundry seem to be all I ever do, because they never seem to end. When my husband comes home and changes into his lounging clothes, that is when I enjoy my life in these cracked, brittle walls the most. We sit together and watch TV, and even if that was what I had been doing previously in the day, it's so much better when I have someone to share my time with. 

I hope to get a job soon, so I have a life outside the one I know as of now. Although, I know if I did get a job, my life now would just be added onto, because everything at home still needs to be done, and if I want clean clothes, and clean dishes, not clothes with the funk, and dishes with the gunk, I need to keep up with my life here on top of what I want outside. 

Maybe a hobby would come in handy instead. I might pick up scrap-booking or pursue my photography. Anyway, we will see what I come up with, but for now, vacuuming awaits, and while I am at it, I might as well do a load of laundry. 

~ Live, Laugh, Love