I have been letting things around the house get so bad lately. The dishes have been piling up, the carpet needs a serious vacuuming, and the laundry defiantly needs to be done. I am not sure if it's the thought that so much is needing to be done, that I feel lost and unable to find the starting line, or that I have been feeling so down in the dumps lately. I guess when I think about it, it's a little bit of both. I let it get so bad because I have been upset, and now that it has gotten to be so bad, I don't even know where to begin.
When I married Matt I thought everything would be great. Don't get me wrong, it's better than being apart and away from him, but it's not all rainbows and puppy-dogs either. Matt is on this new schedule. It's 7 days on 2 days off shift rotation. Sound confusing? It is. Let me try to explain it to you.
For one week (7 days) Matt will be on what they call "Swings"
11am - 11pm
I think of Swings as "Swinging" from day to night
Then Matt will have 2 days off before going into the next 7 day shift called "Mids"
8pm - 8am
I think of Mids as "Middle" of the night. Why not call it nights... not really sure.
Then Matt will have 2 days off before going into the next 7 day shift called "Days"
7am - 7pm
This one is self - explanatory
Of course this next one is different from the rest, it's only 4 days and it is called "T-week"
6am - 6pm
It is much like Days, except only 4 days long and other technical crap that doesn't pertain to me.
After these 4 days, Matt gets a 4 day weekend! And then he repeats this whole schedule until he is all done, and graduated from Prototype.
These hours make is so difficult to have a decent routine. Once we have one going nicely, he switches it up, and everything kind of falls down. I am working on getting used to this. Because this is how it will pretty much be for the next 4 years of our lives together. Nothing is set-in-stone and I can't count on anything. I know what a lot of people are thinking, "Get on your own routine, and if he can fall into that's great, if not... too bad". Trust me, I have thought about this too, and I have even tried, but it's hard when you love someone so much, you want to do everything you can to incorporate time together. So, of course instead of cleaning up the house like I had planned to do on the day Matt has off, I will sit and watch movies with him. I know it's my own fault. Then when I try to do things productive on the days he is working, I just get so lonely, and so upset. I can't control my thoughts, trust me I have tried. I will start talking to my cat, and then realize... he isn't talking back. Then I start to wish desperately, that he would talk back. Have an actual conversation with me.
Now I know what you are all thinking again, "hang out with friends, go meet people." I do have friends, but all their husbands are on different schedules. So while mine is away at work, their husband is at home. So, when I ask if they want to go out, you can count on it that they wont want to leave. I understand, I do the same when my husband is home. Time together is so limited. You have to think, the time that they are home, they spend sleeping. Of course it's really hard for me to make friends outside of the Navy. I will talk to people and get their numbers, but most of them have their own network of friends that they have had for a while in the area, and it is very hard to break into the circle. Especially knowing that you are going to be leaving in a few months anyway.
I was hanging out with some Chief's wives the other day. They were telling my friends and me about life as a Navy wife down the road. One thing they said was, "A military wife, is a different type of woman." I thought about that, and after they expanded on the idea, it is very true. I will listen to my friends whine and gripe about their boyfriends or husbands, and how they are late coming home by a few moments or don't listen to what they were saying. I know if my husband calls and says he will be late to dinner by a few minutes, it could easily turn into a few hours. If he remembers something I said I wanted, and later on gets it for me, it's a damn near miracle that he had room to store that information and then time to get it for me. I cherish the time we do get to spend together. Girls who bitch about their man not doing yard work on his days off, I think I would rather have mine hanging out with me and having a good time, than wasting his time doing something I can easily do while he is away. I find that my other military wife friends all have the same opinions I do, and then when I talk to my non-military wife friends, I find my patience is very limited with them.
Anyway, enough about that. I guess really I wanted to write today to get my thoughts out to where I can see it. Since there is so many thoughts scrambling my head, I thought it would be quicker to type it all out, than to write it all out. I guess my own solution is to get into my own routine, each day have certain chores that need to be met, and then if Matthew falls into that time with me, he can either spend time with me by helping, or I can wake up early to get it all done. Or, I think I can plan my weeks schedule, and work around his. Which sounds like a better idea! I will try this! I will let you all know how it turns out.
~Live, Laugh, Love
